With a lovely family inside. Were going to live here! Look at you. I need to really live, really connect! Its not a real marriage. It was all rundown and we didnt know if we were going to get through it. MAXIE DEAN: Lydia! About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators . IS MORE THAN JUST SPACE WITH NO END LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! (laughs) Hell do it. I'm on the bench, but coach. Well, Bye! CHARLES: Delia Schlimmer, will you do me the honor of signing a prenuptial agreement and be my second wife? CHARLES: I already did change. Im not going anywhere! By the time you read this note. Teen And Up Audiences. Lydia, I know you wont let me down. Which does not come easy. No one likes it, throw it out.. All ghosts shall proceed directly to the Netherworld. No. LYDIA: I just need one of you to open it! CHARLES: Youre right. BEETLEJUICE: Quick! Take care of them. LYDIA: I have a mother! But I (a beat.) Lydia: I am alone. CHARLES: I am very good at sex. Today, we come together to mourn the passing of Emily Deetz. Theyre the real villains of this show. JUNO: Oh, look at you! Theyre chasing me! Every dead person gets one, but since youre not actually dead, wanna see a sad puppet show? Check it out, Lydia! Source: www.enca.com. Pluslearn to throw your voice! Dad, no. We do not want to kill people! DELIA: Black reminds me of a funeral! The man next to me is the one I want. LYDIA: Dad! ADAM: Oh god! Sign up today to unlock amazing theatre resources and opportunities. *attempts to jump again. We want to help you! ADAM: What is that? Our whole life is in that house. BARBARA: Well, whatd you expect? Where are you going? Thats the problem! Step 4: Select a monologue. Keep it away from your sensitive parts. Both movie and musical have the same bones, yet there are many differences that change everything from minor details to major motivations. ADAM: Well this just says Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice. ; Establishing Character Moment: Adam and the spider. What if shes possessed? What else do you have to do, Mami? BARBARA: You seem like a normal girl to me. THIS FEATURE IS ONLY AVAILABLE FOR PRO MEMBERS. Now, to the Prius! BARBARA: There are two kinds of people in this world. The man next to me I love old books. That was a disaster. LYDIA: Dead Mom? LYDIA: You know what? After everything Ive done for her. BEETLEJUICE: Wait, wait, wait COME ON! BEETLEJUICE: Adam (dramatic pause.) CHARLES: Delia! Second row, right there! ADAM: Lydia, we're so sorry! Let me ask you a question. It's just like you said, you dont always get it, but youre a part of it. Adam, we need a door. ME SAY DAY, ME SAY DAY, ME SAY DAY, ME SAY DAY, ME SAY DAY-O! So, I have an idea. Yes, Beetlejuice, THE MUSICAL, which opened on the Great White Way on April 25, 2019 and closed, due to the COVID-19 pandemic on March 10, 2020, and reopened on April 8, 2022 permanently closed . I need a wife. 7 a script for the sequel was commissioned. MISS ARGENTINA: DID YOU EVEN READ THE HANDBOOK? Your mother loved this song. It says, Im warm, Im friendly, and I think about death only a normal amount! BARBARA: I was too! Except for you, Dead Mom. CHARLES: Lydia! LYDIA: Hey Delia! Based on the 1988 Burton film, this musical delves into the life of oddball teen Lydia Deetz, who meets a recently deceased couple and an unruly demon willing to help them haunt a house. If we want our house back, we have to fight for it! It didn't work. Welcome to our model home. This is exciting! She was my whole world. [speaks in Lydia's voice] Beetlejuice: I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind. BARBARA: I think so! frowns at the MUSIC. I might have to get a little nasty. BEETLEJUICE: I am not Wiccan, and that is nothing like this. About the future. MAXIE DEAN: CHUCK!!! /Say my name/. Leave this house! BEETLEJUICE: Hi! What are you talking about. OTHO: I dont know. Except her. Oh, my God! Its the one room in the house thats still ours! The Maitlands and Beetlejuice, Lydia thinks, can bring her to the netherworld to see her mother once more. ), BEETLEJUICE: HEY ITS GREAT THAT YOU ATE UP MY PLAN, NOW THE POOCH HAS BEEN SCREWED AND THE SHIT HIT THE FAN, BEETLEJUICE: YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG BOOK. I dont know get it, but Im a part of it! What does that mean? BUT BEETLEJUICE, IT'S NOT AS IF I'VE LOST MY MIND. I have some good news. You said you would help us! LYDIA: Handbook For The Recently Deceased? BEETLEJUICE: Hey! BEETLEJUICE: Nice moves Lydia! BEETLEJUICE: Well, it doesnt matter if you say it Adam, THEY HAVE TO BE ALIVE! We are invisible. Alone. And Id like us to be a family. DELIA: Charles, that was the most spiritually nourishing rogering you have ever given me. I was in a sweat lodge. BARBARA: We are not aluminum siding people! ), THEY'LL NEVER GET THE FRIGHT OF THEIR LIVES. Ah! Then I guess theres no rush! Do you understand what Im proposing? CHARLES: Delia, there is nothing in your head. (a beat or two.) (a beat.) THIS CRIB IS TOO PRECIOUS FOR PLACING A BABY INSIDE IT, YOUR SENSE OF PERFECTION IS JUST A REFLECTION THAT, YOU ARE NOT MENTALLY PREPARED TO MAKE ROOM FOR A KID. Your dad cant see us. Your father was trying to hide you from us. LYDIA: Dad! And choosing the people you wanna share it with! CHARLES: No, we have to stop. (chuckling.) So. do not like him! Can I see? Every success begins with sucks and ends with yes. Maybe nothing has to change. LYDIA: We made a good team! DELIA: Why does this always happen to me? Hey, I get it! The fact is, shes been having a hard time since LYDIA: Oh father! Enjoy live events at insider prices. Heres help, heres you. MOVER 2: Eh, who cares, its going to the dump! I thought I was bringing my mom back! Im bringing my mom back, and none of you can stop me! Home Monologues from Musicals. Lets find out! LYDIA: I cant change anything! Im gonna find my mom! So, Im selling our house. Do you mind if we all share this house! In the video, Baldwin recalls the one thing that gave him hope about the film was the performance of his co-star, Michael Keaton, whom he describes as a "comedy Annie Oakley.". LYDIA: We gotta get out of here! Don't apologize! BEETLEJUICE: Thank you! Please, dont spin the wheel! LYDIA: WAY BACK WHEN I WAS JUST TEN SIMPLE AND SWEET, EVERYWHERE, FELLAS WOULD STARE OUT ON THE STREET, LYDIA: NOW ONE OF 'EM LOVES ME, WANTS TO BE MINE, LYDIA: MY CREEPY OLD GUY, MY CREEPY OLD GUY, BARBARA/DELIA: GIRLS MAY SEEM DISGUSTED, BUT WE'RE ACTUALLY JUST SHY, BEETLEJUICE: I AM OLDER, BUT I'M GLAD I WAITED, ALL: CREEPY OLD GUY, CREEPY OLD GUY, CREEPY OLD GUY. "Beetlejuice" runs through . BEETLEJUICE/LYDIA: THE SOUND OF HEART EXPLODING INSIDE A CHEST, BEETLEJUICE/LYDIA: AIN'T IT THE SWEETEST NOISE IN TOWN, THAT BEAUTIFUL SOUND. Ugh, classic Maitlands. I'm sure Dad will ruin it. The script was . Im so scared Im going to forget her. DELIA: Charles, maybe we should just tell her about us. New York, NY, Linda Ray Yes, I love that man of mine. BEETLEJUICE Finished? BEETLEJUICE: Oh, not so fast Mr. Soulbox. BEETLEJUICE: DON'T YOU WANNA SEE DAD SUFFER? Delilah BEETLEJUICE: We didnt hang out much, Charles! DELIA: Doubt. . . Thats why Im doing this. (a beat.) It's our house now, kid! I don't know what just happened. . Wait! Hey Lydia, check this out Dance break! BARBARA: We are! Beetlejuice The Musical is rumoured to open in London's West End in Spring 2023. ADAM: Yeah. Its like a green card thing! BEETLEJUICE Isnt this amazing? We don't currently have any monologues from Beetlejuice . Lets get you finished! Mom! I was like, Pick a lane, Bill!. JUST THINK OF THE UNIVERSE AS A FEMALE BEST FRIEND, AND YOU CAN BE LIKE "HEY, UNIVERSE, WHAT'S HAPPENIN', GIRL? Im going to suck your ghostinto it and trap it there forever!. Mom? We mostly just watched and drank wine. And Im still here! Where do books go when they die? Well, I dont know, book. ADAM: My whole life flashed before my eyes! Girl, just say it three times in a row. CHARLES: I just have to get the chalk. Id like to meet my fianc, Delia. Make them think that theyre in control! Barbara! Fuck Brigadoon. BARBARA: Were just a normal couple. Its less. BEETLEJUICE: Your mom? Scouts honor, but that books got a lot of dangerous stuff in it. LYDIA: Beetlejuice, dont you get it? Not answering! I relate to it in so many ways, especially in Lydia's journey through grief. It's from the store! Nothing would give me more pleasure than to kill those people downstairs. Not gonna do that. When she entered the kitchen there was Beetlejuice at the table, working on a crossword, wearing brand new reading glasses. (BEETLEJUICE possesses BARBARA and ADAM.). And I'm just Hamlet going insane. Where is that damned exorcist? If I had known. Ive got a way to make everyone see me. (goes to kiss him, but gags.). WHY DO YOU POLISH YOUR CRIB WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A KID? So! He was fast! I just can't deal with Delia. Based on Tim Burton's 1988 wonderfully demented film, Beetlejuice The Musical follows Lydia Deetz - a strange and unusual teenager whose life takes an unexpected turn when she meets the former owners of her house - who just happen to be dead - and a degenerate demon from the Netherworld. We only provide suggested audition monologues or songs for an individual character if our system finds content that matches a character's traits. Delia! They look right through me! And now, finally theyre about to die! Devoted wife to Charles, beloved mother to Lydia. The Preacher, Beetlejuice, and Lydia. "Spirit" in Fantasy Monologues for Young Actors . (a beat.) Hes a monster. LYDIA: Yeah, you look like a bloated zebra that a lion ripped apart and then didnt eat because there was obviously something wrong with it, so it just rotted in the hot African sun. And now were all alone. I mean, real ghosts? Mom!! Sayonara. We got any kids in the audience? 119. "The Swamp" in The Acting Coach Approach: 48 Monologues for Kids . Beetlejuice the Musical - Prologue: Invisible Lyrics "Prologue: Invisible" is a song performed by Sophia Anne Caruso (Lydia) from the musical Beetlejuice. Now lets hurry up and leave this god forsaken house. You'll know that I've abandoned hope. We're gonna be rich! LOOK! (Smokes.) ADAM: That guy! Classic Bait and Switch. Dad, please. BEETLEJUICE: Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes, please say yes. MISS ARGENTINA: Oh, but you have to go back now. That never happens. Dead Mom loved our house. LYDIA: I really like you guys. We invisibles have to stick together! Just put me in . Lift with your back! Im always prepared. I mean, not this, I dont think anyone could have predicted this. Tagged: Rhymes, Juice, Loose. No you cant do that! BARBARA: Adam, I dont think we survived that fall. Ive already been to hell and back. Lydia stopped short in the doorway, then began to laugh. Theyre gonna be my new best friends! I see you. We left each other behind. This book is dangerous! Im not comfortable withfeelingsyou know that. Alex Brightman and Sophia Anne Caruso in "Beetlejuice." Matthew Murphy. I'M GONNA MAKE HIM SAY MY NAME, I'LL MAKE HIM SAY MY NAME (MAKE HIM SAY YOUR NAME). IM TIRED OF TRYIN TO IRON OUT MY CREASES, HE WANTS ME TO SMILE AND CLAP LIKE A PERFORMING SEAL, YOU WONT BELIEVE THE MESS THAT WEVE BECOME, ARE YOU RECEIVING? See that tiny little house up there? Dont you remember when we moved in? (ADAM and BARBARA scream as BARBARAs hand is on fire.). I didnt like strangers when I was alive. Do the research! LYDIA: Shade Maternal, Fate Infernal, I summon thee with Saturns breath. Eddie Perfect, Lydia is a dark, yet exceedingly smart young woman. ADAM: Kill?!??!? I had a vision once. I FOUND MY FREQUENCY CRYSTALS SPEAK TO ME, EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, THERE ARE SPIRITUAL GUIDES ABOVE LOOK UP AND SEE 'EM, JUST LISTEN TO THE MELODY THE UNIVERSE SINGS, 'CAUSE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, THE UNIVERSE IS JUST THE CONTENTS OF TIME, MATTER AND SPACE, LYDIA: NINETY-ONE BILLION LIGHT-YEARS ACROSS AND THE EARTH'S A SMALL PLACE, THE PACIFIC ISLANDS ARE SINKING BUT NEGATIVE THINKING IS HARDLY THE CAUSE, YOU THINK LIFE IS ALL UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS 'CAUSE YOU'RE BORED, LYDIA: AND POSITIVITY IS A LUXURY THAT FEW CAN AFFORD, DELIA: NO NO NO! Its about love! So kinda like this. And you wont even say her name. BEETLEJUICE: Thats it! One of the reasons Beetlejuice's Lydia is an icon is her style. Uh, hey! This sappy subplot robs the musical of macabre and fits the story as well as O.J.'s glove. But thats only because I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN! The sound of the music is evidence of the fact that the Maitlands have allowed Lydia to dance to the music and levitate in the living room as a . Do not be afraid. AHAHAHAHA SHUT UP! Sucks-Yes! It is based on the 1988 film of the same name, directed by Tim Burton with story by Michael McDowell and Larry Wilson, about a deceased couple who try to haunt the new inhabitants of their former home and call help from a devious bio-exorcist ghost named Betelgeuse (pronounced . You are tougher than you look. SO WE MIGHT AS WELL WALK THROUGH SOME WALLS, 'CAUSE ADAM, WE'RE READY AS WE'LL EVER GET, I GOTTA GET RIGHT OUTSIDE MY COMFORT ZONE. Then you won't believe how far I'll go. Shes always like Get a job! or Why is your hair purple? or I shouldve left, like your father. The point is, Maybe we can help each other out, DON'T YOU WANT A PAL? So, on the count of three just yell out the scariest thing you can think of! I have a chance to see her again, please! And life! MAXINE: And hell do it! Its gonna be so good for all of us. This is all very believable. BEETLEJUICE: Boy, do you know how to pick em or what? 123! But heres the good news! Mr. Hibiscus_Flower. DELIA: Youre breaking up with me AND firing me? BEETLEJUICE: No, she did! Its not a fad! I know that my name's on the marquee, but youre going to have to watch a new show. And I want everyone here to know it. Also, one of your wine glasses is poison! BARBARA: And Lydia, she cant live like this! BEETLEJUICE: There you go, kid. BEETLEJUICE: The people who bought your house! CHARLES: About that I thought that after everything weve been through Well, I just thought that both of us could use a fresh start. OUR TROUBLES ALL ENDED ON THE DAY THAT WE BEFRIENDED HIM. Sometimes puppet shows are sad. I orbit. BARBARA: Wait, what? We can't start a family in a house with creaky floorboards! Feel nothing. BEETLEJUICE: I mean you literally jumped into hell to get away from me. BEETLEJUICE: Well, well, well, kid. I mean you saw these schmucks up here. ADAM: You don't like this stuff? BARBARA: Handbook For The Recently Deceased? It's like my dad's Ophelia. I died with this sash. JUNO: Anyone whose ever died is in there. BARBARA: Thats so strange, Its not hot. Hide! (a beat.) Gain full access to show guides, character breakdowns, auditions, monologues and more! "Beetlejuice made 'weird' look cool. You go to the Netherworld, you dont come back. 24m. Based on Tim Burton's blockbuster film of the same name, this animated show features Beetlejuice, the wildest ghost this side of the "Neitherworld" and his mortal best friend Lydia Deetz, a young, perky goth girl attending a private school in a sleepy little Connecticut town. And speaking of, right on time! ADAM: Again, we do not want to kill anyone! LYDIA: I dont know. And they eat ghosts. I WANT SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN, OR IM DONE TAKE ME WHERE MY SOUL CAN RUN, OR ILL BE IN MY BEDROOM WAKE ME WHEN IM TWENTY-ONE, WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE HIM SAY YOUR NAME. Ill do it. We will just have to do this without her. BEETLEJUICE: Hey! Well, if you wanna treat me like a demon, then Ill be a demon. BEETLEJUICE: I'm sorry, you're giving me advice? JUNO: Oh, Lawrence, that was beautiful. Keep it coming gentleman! Home Explore Songbook Top Artists Groups Apps Get VIP. She needs somebody to help her get past all this. For decades, there's been talk about making a "Beetlejuice" sequel, but in the early '90s screenwriter Jonathan Gem wrote an entire script for a follow-up (via Far Out Magazine). Mr. Juice, I respect your resistance and your Moxy. ADAM: The electoral college! Lydia, this is a dangerously unstable individual. Oh god, just the thought of that makes me so ANGRY! New phone, who dis? ADAM: Im confused, you can see us without the sheets. You are like ice! You are never gonna regret this! I'LL MAKE THE BEST OF BEING FLESH AND BONE, BEETLEJUICE: Thats right! CHARLES: Wouldnt even know where to start. LYDIA: I had a change of heart. Also, no liquids! I am utterly alone." -Lydia Deetz. WE'RE MORE THAN DETRITUS WE'RE FINALLY ALIVE! God, you know, your mother knew this was going to happen. Seeking 2 Actor Team for Spring BEETLEJUICE: No. CHARLES: My god, woman. ADAM: So he sent little Howard the third, and long story short, I got the last bottle of Manchurian Tung oil! She was my world, too Lydia. We do not have time to make screaming, passionate, love right now. All recently deceased individuals, form a line! CENSUS AGENT: Hello, I'm with the U.S. Census Bureau, got time for a few, OH MY GOD! Beetlejuice The Musical Merchandise, Music & Videos - Click . Did you think I wasnt coming back? *Our system only provides suggested monologues or songs for select characters if we have matching monologues and song information in our database. (DELIA and CHARLES make out on the table.). | Smule Social Singing Karaoke app. CHARLES: No, you have failed. Oh I don't see anything -- Aah! THE THREE OF US ALONE CAN WRECK DAD'S EVENING, YEAH, I GOT GAME! Well that wouldve been good to know. Everyone can see me now, but if I were alive, I could get out of the house, meet my kind of people. NEVER MIND, HE'LL BE YOUR G-U-I-D-E TO THE OTHER SIDE, I'M THE B-TO-THE-DOUBLE-E-T-L-E TO THE J-U-I-C-E, BEETLEJUICE: I understand it's a lot to process, but, THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE DIED IN YOUR OWN HOUSE, THAT MEANS THE TWO OF YOU SHOULD STICK AROUND, A LITTLE ON THE POTTERY BARN AND DRY WHITE WINE SIDE, AS FOR ME, I'VE BEEN SCARING FOR MILLENNIA, I'M THE BIO-EXORCIST GIVING HOUSES ENEMAS, BEETLEJUICE AND ENSEMBLE: PUSH OUT ALL THE BREATHERS, BEETLEJUICE: AND I DO IT FOR THE LOVE OF IT, 'CAUSE THIS GUY HAPPENED TO BE PASSING BY, TO GIVE YOU CONTROL OF YOUR SOUL FOR THE WHOLE "BEING DEAD" THING (AH AH AH AH AH AH AH! ADAM Bill Hadley on his tractor. CHARLES: A BEAUTIFUL BUNCH OF RIPE BANANA, ALL: LIFT SIX FOOT, SEVEN FOOT, EIGHT FOOT BUNCH, CHARLES: Maxie! Im bringing my mom back! LYDIA: Yeah, you said Stop acting so weird, I need this job., DELIA: No! Wheres Lydia? In Michael McDowell's script, the adorable Maitlands' death scene is quite graphic and traumatic they get trapped in a car and scream to no avail as they're shown slowly drowning. CHARLES: Lydia, I have asked Delia to marry me. One minute youre on top of the world, and the next minute, you feel like no one will ever love you This guy knows what Im talking about! CHARLES: I see! AcCENT upon the Wrong SylLABle: When Adam finds the advert for Betelgeuse, he actually says the name three times, but because he pronounces it "Bay-til Guy-ce", the incantation doesn't work. More about Lydia . I sense your touch. ADAM: (BARBARA screams.) DELIA: Knock Knock! LYDIA: Mom?! You know what would make all this even more awesome? INT. From an outfit standpoint, her clothes launched the mood boards of many goth girls. DELIA: Dont worry Otho, well put you in the Soulbox! This is the first nice moment Ive had since I got here. And I like the attic! Im gonna teach you guys how to be ghosts! LYDIA: Really? So lets scare my dad! IN THE WORLD, BE PREPARED TO TAKE YOUR EGGS AND FREEZE 'EM , DELIA: 'CAUSE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING HAPPENS, LYDIA: SOUNDS LIKE TERRIBLE THINGS CAN HAPPEN. OTHO: Thats the one. Im Barbara, this is Adam. Never change! Im sorry everybody. MAXIE DEAN: I was never gonna invest in your stupid "gated community." Up the stairs! (a beat.) Put er there! Because I dont think we can. BARBARA: Im sorry, why are we in the attic? Theyre in the room with us. And nothing else exists. Unless I am paid upfront in cash, and learned that the hard way. God, youre a screw up! (BEETLEJUICE does the same to ADAM. we have to go home! ONE DAY YOU MAY WAKE UP ALONE, DELIA: 'CAUSE YOUR HUSBAND AND HIS BOYFRIEND BOUGHT A BOAT AND THEN THEY SAILED AWAY TO ROME, DELIA: SO YOU CRY YOURSELF TO SLEEP IN DEEP DESPAIR, TALKIN' TO THE WALLS 'CAUSE THERE'S NO ONE THERE, 'CAUSE THAT'S YOUR LAST CHANCE TO HAVE A FAMILY, THAT YOUR AGING ASS WILL HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT , A LITTLE "I AM STILL YOUNG!!!" BEETLEJUICE: NO! Playing hardball, huh? BARBARA: No offense mister, but you give me the creeps. Dad, n-no you cant do that. I love it! OTHO: So glad that you asked. Very good energy. Thats why youre stuck in the attic! OTHO: Please! Theyre made out of the devil! Does this couch make me look dead? The show opened in April 2019 at the Winter Garden Theatre but, just under a year later, the pandemic shuttered it prematurely. Join StageAgent today and unlock amazing theatre resources and opportunities. Now heres the problem. But hey. LYDIA: What's goin' on, Delia? BARBARA: THEN THERE'S THE WHOLE DARN ECONOMY, ADAM AND BARBARA: READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP. Ill marry you! She would start drinking, and Id be like Mom stop drinking. Beetlejuice is ruder, raunchier and frankly, more repellent than ever in this original musical based on Tim Burton's wonderfully demented film. All ghosts shall proceed directly to the Netherworld. LYDIA: Yeah, me too. Someones gonna get killed! Weve already said it a bunch of times! THE MAITLANDS: (ghostly.) Tagged: Whorehouse, Anxious. BEETLEJUICE: Whered I lose you? Thats the rule. BEETLEJUICE: Pepperoni, mushrooms and snakes! ADAM: I gotta say hun, were lucky. Welcome, welcome, welcome! Eh, it was worth a shot. Knock three times. LYDIA: Greetings, ghosts. All you gotta do is say my name! Having lost her. LYDIA: I cant open it. Uh, maybe I should answer for her, okay? BEETLEJUICE: Okay, plan B! Wheres your handbook? I am also dead. It sayswe should draw a door. Woah, sorry, I didnt mean to yell its justYou make daddy so angry. And I never got the chance to use them while I was alive. LYDIA: YeahItd be terrible if we all let each other down, DELIA: (Rings Triangle.) Leave this house! BARBARA: Lydia, why did Beetlejuice give that to you? From comedy to drama and everything in between, we hope that you can find one that you love. Yeah Yeah Yeah. Barbara, this is our stuff BARBARA: A SHRINE TO THE FEELINGS WE'VE BEEN REPRESSING, BARBARA: UNFINISHED PROJECTS MEANINGLESS OBJECTS. DELIA: I dont think thats how knock knock jokes work. Maybe the most haunting thing about "Beetlejuice," the new musical version of the 1988 Tim Burton movie that is having its world premiere at the National Theatre, is the creepy feeling of . Welcome to the family, son. BARBARA: I know. IM ALIVE! DELIA Business friends: I have only known this amazing, amazing man and his unique daughter for a few months I don't even know how many, I'd have to check my pay stubs! but, as my guru Otho always says. BEETLEJUICE: Oh, I don't live here, I'm dead! (DELIA screams.) Im ready for some people to die. this hilarious musical tells the story of lydia deetz, a strange and unusual teenager whose whole life changes when she meets a recently deceased couple and a demon with a thing . Then they . This is so wrong, your my employee, but also my lover! And that is exactly how we can beat him. BEETLEJUICE: Oh yeah? Unless of course, its a murder suicide, which makes for a very awkward eternity. This is already the BEST exorcism Ive ever been to! I- Im your father. ADAM: Barbara, run! This is the best day of my life! You know, my guru Otho says Depression is like an ugly sweater. DELIA: Well, Im so happy for all of you. BEETLEJUICE: YouareADORABLE (kisses Adam) HA! BEETLEJUICE: DID I SAY NETHERWORLD? Now you remember what my guru Otho says! BEETLEJUICE: (snaps fingers and the Sandworm attacks) Thats why not! LYDIA: What are you talking about? Happiness! She goes back into the room. OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH. BEETLEJUICE: Nothing, so your dad wants to suck me into this fancy box. AH AH AH! BEETLEJUICE: I KNOW THAT BARBARA! *Our system only provides suggested monologues or songs for select characters if we have matching monologues and song information in our database. But a genuine haunted house? Here you got a solid plan B option. Beetlejuice is a musical with music and lyrics by Eddie Perfect and book by Scott Brown and Anthony King. BARBARA: We're ghosts, damn it! ADAM: Hang on. DELIA: Otho, I noticed that the Soulbox is both glowing and making a noise. BEETLEJUICE: Theyre taking it to the dump and without me theyre going to do that to everything! And life is the only way out! CHARLES: No, shes still too fragile. Lydia: No! Just like, what if Im never happy again? CHARLES: Sweet Jesus, Delia we need a real exorcist! Results may vary. Im on your side, and I always will be. THREE TIMES IN A ROW, IT MUST BE SPOKEN UNBROKEN. Its a classic Victorian with the original crown molding. Guy talk howd you do it? ADAM: Oh yeah? But we just have to hold onto each other and live through it. I thought she was talking about us. I hope theres a dead therapist somewhere that can give him the help he needs. The Netherworld. Im gonna say it! Ive never felt this before. YES I DO! DELIA: Charles! BEETLEJUICE: Spoiler Alert: shes never going to eat that sandwich! Dont you wanna get these people out of your house? CHARLES: Maxie! You give mea bonerhere, its a femur. MISS ARGENTINA: But thats impossible, you youre a living girl. Im a part of this too! It was like the perfect dad joke! Wait, why aren't you dancing? SPIN! And that makes me feel oh god, I actually feel! Dont you get it? what Im trying to say is; I hired you to help my daughter, but you have ended up helping me. You asked me, I'm answering. I guess Ill just go. Adam, youre boring. What am I doing? Theres a Toblerone, a bath bomb, a book youre never going to read. He needs therapy! Youre leaving me? See ya suckers! I have a peephole; I can see you Youre scary, goodbye! Can you believe people actually lived here? April 25, 2019. I designed it to reflect wealth, sophistication, and above all-. LYDIA: Let me get you some cash for those cookies! ADAM: So, Lydia since you can see us, let me get right to the point. You know, socially liberal, but fiscally conservative. Thats why Ive been trying so hard to build a new one. Promise me we can talk about her. DELIA: Lydia, you cannot just sneak up on people and take their essence. Lets save Lydia and get the hell out of here. Thats why youre here. But somehow, someway, you gotta make 'em see ya. Proceed directly to the Netherworld! BARBARA: Lydia, no, you don't know what will happen. Careful Charles! Well actually it was just this really hot apartment in Queens, where the doors locked from the outside. All I want is for someone, anyone to look my way and say Hey. Lydia: i can't change anything. All ganging up against the mean lady from hell! We couldve been such a great team. Okay, I see what you did there. Well that was a soliloquy, so you're the one who's being rude. And you heard what he said, any ghost can do that possession stuff. Lydia. CHARLES: Good! Whatd you do!? BEETLEJUICE: ZWEEBY, BEEBY, BOO-BAH-BAH-DEE! Grab what you can and- (pulls blanket and reveals DELIA.) YOUVE JUST BEEN WAITING FOR THE PERFECT TEACHER. Sorry, I dont mean to bore you guys, talking about my mom. My name is Lydia Deetz. CHARLES: Dont say that. Hes my white whale. This house is haunted! Monologues are presented on StageAgent for educational purposes only. CHARLES: Do you hear that, Delia? Oh you dont have a handbook? Thats great! 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